


The Pandemonium

by slytheringurrl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2018-01-01 19:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1047528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytheringurrl/pseuds/slytheringurrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, cat shows can get pretty hairy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pandemonium

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dormiensa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dormiensa/gifts).



> A huge thank you to Poppyxxxx for the amazing beta job! Without you, this story wouldn't have gone very far! Thank you so much!  
> Thanks to arosesinnocence for reading my story and giving me feedback and Nayerna for helping me think of a title. Also, thanks to Ningloreth for hosting this fest AND making a banner!  
> To my recipient a.k.a dormiensa: I really hope you like this! I’ve tried to include all of your prompts and here’s what came out of it! And shockingly, Ron and Harry are sane!

_Calling All Cat Owners!_  
  
 _Is your cat a **purebred, agile and healthy** feline? If it is, enter your furry friend in EWCO's [England Wizarding Charity Organization] Annual Cat Show to raise money for animal shelters across the Wizarding World... (Cont'd on Page 5)_  
  
"Hey, Hermione," Draco Malfoy yelled as he set the _Daily Prophet_ on the end table and picked up their kitten, Max, off the floor. "Is Max purebred?"  
  
When she heard what her husband had shouted to her from the other room, Hermione Malfoy rolled her eyes as she finished washing the dishes. _What in the world is he up to_ now _?_ she wondered as she dried her hands and walked into the living room.  
  
When she saw Draco flipping Max onto his back and staring at his white underbelly, she rushed to save her second kitten from dying in her husband's hands. She snatched her kitten and crooned, "Oh Maxie, it's going to be okay. Mummy's got you now. Daddy's not going to hurt you any more." As she sunk into the sofa and petted Max, she glared at Draco. "Stop hurting the cat! You killed Colette when you forgot to feed her and give her medicine when I was on work trip, remember? And why do you want to know if Max is purebred?" she asked curiously.  
  
"Well," Draco replied, "we just have a cat who's doing nothing and-"  
  
"Max does a lot of things!" Hermione interjected. "He's just a kitten. He will do more things as he gets older," she muttered, defending the feline.  
  
"Agree to disagree. Either way, there's a charity cat show and I want to enter Max. He might learn something."  
  
"You want to join my little cat who's never interacted with another animal in a _cat show_?" Hermione asked, sounding worried. "Do you think that's a good idea?"  
  
"It'll be good for him." Draco took one of his wife's hands in his own and squeezed it lightly. "Just think about it for a minute; this will be a good transition for Max as he goes from kitten-hood to adulthood."  
  
"I guess it won't hurt to join him then," Hermione agreed. She grabbed the _Prophet_ from the table and glanced at the article quickly. "Max is a purebred Persian cat so according to this, he should qualify for the Kitten section since he is only six months old."  
  
When she saw her husband rub his hands together in glee, she couldn't help but smile. Sometimes Draco acted like such a child, but after all these years, she had somehow gotten used to immature men. Speaking of immature men... "Oh Draco, I forgot to tell you, I invited Ron, Harry, Ginny, and Blaise over for dinner tomorrow."  
  
"Oh really? What's the reason?"  
  
Hermione shrugged. "No reason, really. The other day, Ginny was saying how we weren't meeting as much, and I suggested that she and Harry come over for dinner. And then, I figured that we hadn't seen Ron or Blaise in a while so I called them too."  
  
"That's cool," Draco replied distractedly. "Did you know that this cat show is more like a pageant? The cats are judged on their appearance only. Here it says that this is a scam and nothing like a real Muggle show, but that's okay, right?"  
  
"I think it'll be just fine. Max is an adorable kitten. He'll do great!"  


* * *

  
 _WHAT TO BRING TO A CAT SHOW:_  
 _-Cage curtains and clips for hanging them._  
 _-Kitty Litter. Litter is often provided by the Show Committee, however, a litter pan, water and food dishes will be useful._  
 _-Something soft for the bottom of the cage._  
 _-Nail clippers._  
 _-Any necessary grooming equipment._  
 _-Confirmation slip received from the Entry Clerk._  
 _-Vaccination records for each entry._  
 _-Pedigree and Registration papers if applicable._  
  
"You're going to enter your cat in a show?" Ron asked disbelievingly. "Are you crazy?"  
  
Hermione raised an eyebrow at her best friend. "Why exactly do you think it's a crazy thing to do, Ronald?"  
  
"Well, remember when I dated that cat-obsessed lady a few years back?"  
  
"Of course we do, Weasel," Draco drawled. "You wouldn't stop moaning about how she broke up with you since you interfered with her cat shows." Then, a light bulb seemed to go off in his mind. "Just because we're pushing Max to excel, it doesn't mean we'll forget about you."  
  
"Oh, shut the bloody hell up, ferret," Ron said, scowling. "Hermione let me be honest with you. I like this cat of yours. It's a lot cuter than that orange menace," Ron said as he admired Max, who had gotten into his lap and was attempting to pull off Ron's shirt buttons. "But it's no show kitten. Max might be your pride and joy, but he just doesn't have the elegance of Kate's furry friends."  
  
"Uh, Ron, who's Kate?" asked Blaise hesitantly.  
  
"Zabini, stick with the story! Kate's the lady I dated. Either way, this cat show business is a trap. I remember, Kate didn't have time for anything. She could never relax and read a book, watch a Muggle movie or something, or even have sex! Her life was being taken over by her cats!"  
  
Draco then gulped audibly. "Hermione, we need to rethink this cat show thing. I _need_ sex."  
  
"Well, I think we all need to rethink what we talk about," Harry interjected. "I frankly don't want to know about yours and Hermione's sex life, thank you very much."  
  


* * *

  
 _SHOW RULES:_  
 _-Cats that have been declawed shall not be penalized. All claws of each entry shall be clipped prior to benching. Failure to do so may subject entry to disqualification. Cats or kittens obviously pregnant are ineligible for competition._  
 _-A cat not having all physical properties, such as eyes, ears, legs, tail (except as specified in breed standards), are ineligible for entry except in the alter classes or household pet classes._  
 _-The show committee may permit cats or kittens 3 months of age or older to be entered in a competition that will be based on physical appearance._  
 _-Cats entered in the EWCO's shows must have all documents listed on the WHAT TO BRING TO A CAT SHOW checklist._  
  
"Hey, darling," Hermione called, walking into her husband's study and dropping a kiss on his cheek. "How was your day?"  
  
"I didn't have any meetings so I researched a little on EWCO's cat shows," Draco answered after returning his wife's kiss. "Compared to some other shows, this is very laid back. All we need is a cute cat, vaccination records, a confirmation slip and Pedigree and registration papers. And I think we have everything except the slip."  
  
"That's nice. But I thought you were worried about having no sex?"  
  
"I guess I’ll be all right without it," Draco said, shrugging. "I’m just so excited for this."  
  
"Okay…" Hermione shook her head as she left the study. _Draco is really going crazy this time,_ she thought.  


* * *

  
 _A LIST OF KITTEN TRAINING TRICKS TO USE BEFORE A SHOW:_  
 _-At five weeks of age begin to show the kitten how to play with toys in unfamiliar areas such as on your desk, in your lap, on the grooming table._  
 _-Teach the kitten how to jump up for the toy- trusting you._  
 _-Begin Kitten Baths and bathe every 3 weeks, then 2 weeks as you get closer to showing and then start giving baths weekly one month before the kitten goes to his first cat show._  
 _-Share loud noises near your kitten._  
 _-Introduce the kitten to new people and friends._  
 _-Have the kitten learn to be carried on your hand and forearm._  
 _-Have the kitten learn how to use and enjoy a sisal rope pole._  
  
Hermione lifted her head off the desk when she heard a knock on her door. "Come in," she called.  
  
"Hey, Hermione," Ron and Harry said in unison as they strolled into the room, both holding bags of what looked like take-away.  
  
"I thought we were meeting up for lunch on Friday," Hermione said, going over to grab some plates and cutlery.  
  
"Well, we heard from Ginny, who heard from Blaise, that Draco was losing his mind over this kitty thing," Harry replied. "We thought that you might need some stable company. Plus, I had nothing to do at the office, and I invited Ron since he’s always free."  
  
"You’re right on both counts." Hermione laughed. "Ron never does anything, and Draco is becoming a bit ridiculous. He’s convinced that Maxie needs to be exposed to new areas. He also wants to create some bond with the cat. It’s completely crazy."  
  
Ron shook his head in disagreement. "Hermione, this is nothing. He’s bound to get more impractical as the show gets closer. That’s how Kate was."  
  
"So, putting my weird family life aside, what do we have to eat?"  
  
"Well, we have lo mein and some orange chicken," Harry said, handing her a plate that was topped off with both foods.  
  
"I love you guys so much," Hermione said gratefully. "You have no idea how starved I am for some real conversation that doesn’t revolve around my cat."  
  
For a few minutes, all that could be heard was the sounds of chewing and clanking of cutlery. Then, Hermione broke the silence by asking, "Do you think this EWCO thing is a scam?"  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Harry mid-chew. "It’s a cat show. How could it be a scam?"  
"It’s not free to participate," Hermione said. "It’s more than 20 Galleons to register a cat. What charity needs that much money?"  
  
"Where is the money going anyway?" Ron asked, perking up. _This is so cool_ , he thought. _I always thought there was something wrong with those cat shows_.  
  
"It’s all going to animal shelters. How many _Wizarding_ animal shelters are even in existence? I’m sure there are plenty of Muggle ones, but I don’t think the money is going there."  
  
Harry rapped his fingers on the desk, lost in his thoughts. Then, he started to shake his head. "You might be right, Hermione. I’m going to look into this EWCO and see how legitimate they are. After all, I think it’s my duty as an Auror to make sure that they’re not swindling money out of the public."  


* * *

  
 _This is it! The big day! You’ve trained your kitten/cat for the last few weeks and it’s finally time to show off its skills to the judges._  
  
 _DON’T FORGET TO BRING:_  
 _-Confirmation slip received from the Entry Clerk._  
 _-Vaccination records for each entry._  
 _-Pedigree and Registration papers if applicable._  
  
"Are you all ready, Max?” crooned Draco as he tied a bow-tie around the kitten’s small neck. "You’re going to be great!"  
  
Hermione picked up her sleek and very Muggle digital camera and snapped pictures of Draco and Max. "You both look so adorable together," she said, smiling.  
  
"Thanks," Draco muttered, who had moved on to collecting and worrying over all the things they needed for the show.

 

* * *

 

"Hello!" a cheerful entry clerk said brightly. "Is it your first show?"  
  
"In fact, it is," Hermione replied as she handed all the forms to the clerk. "Is it that obvious?"  
  
"Yes." The other lady laughed. "We always have the same people here because before this year, they would never do much advertising for the show. So we’re seeing a lot of new faces this time around."  
  
Draco and Hermione both politely nodded in agreement, even though Hermione still thought that the show was a con.  
  
The witch glanced at the papers one last time and signed the confirmation slip with a flourish. "Your cat seems perfect and is ready to participate," she said, handing Draco the slip. Have fun!"  
  
"You still think it’s a scam?" Draco asked, looking at his wife with a smirk plastered on his face. Hermione had told him about her suspicions a few days ago, and as a response, Draco had laughed in her face and told her that she was starting to become all paranoid.  
  
"Of course I still think it’s a scam. Just glance around and see for yourself. Everyone that’s here is looking around as if they’ve never been here. I don’t think EWCO’s ever existed. In fact, I think that they’ve just created this so-called organization as a way to steal money from the Wizarding community. Trust me on this."  
  
"All right. I guess we’ll find out the truth sooner or later," Draco said, still sounding skeptical.  


Within the hour, they were more than ready to see how great their cat was when the the judge called, "Okay, next up is Max, a six-month old Persian cat."  Draco and Hermione walked over to the judges’ table and Draco set Max down on the table.  Just then, a loud noise sounded from the back of the hall where the judges sat. _Oh no, this cannot be happening right now,_ thought Draco as he saw Harry and four other Aurors bursting into the area.  
  
"Stop what you are doing and please look at me!" Harry yelled loudly after casting a _Sonorus_ spell on his voice. "I need all officials to gather here in the centre immediately. Everyone else, please stay back!"  
  
"What is the meaning of this?" called out a bystander. "This is just a cat show!" Draco  then heard other people also shout out in protest.  Then, he saw the clerk with the curly white hair push through the crowd until she reached Harry. She extended out a hand and introduced herself as the chairwoman of the show. "How can I help you?" she asked.  
  
"We need to ask you a few questions, and we’d truly appreciate it if you’d come down to the Ministry," another Auror cut in before Harry could say anything.  
  
"Fine," the woman said. "But can the show go on?"  
  
Harry shook his head. "Sorry, but no. We actually need everyone to leave the premises since we are investigating the organization that is hosting this."  
  
"Oh," the woman said, seeming downcast. "All right then." She glanced back at the crowd as two of the burly Aurors led her away, looking dejected.  
  
"Okay, everyone! Please exit the building as soon as possible in an orderly fashion!" an Auror yelled.  
  
Draco glanced at Hermione as they hurried to grab everything they had brought to the show. "Well, it seems you were right," he muttered. "There _is_ something going on here.  I stand corrected."  
  
"Well, don’t get too upset just yet," Hermione said as she attempted to place Max back into the carrier. "This might just be a false alarm. I don’t think it is but you never know."  
  
"I hope you’re right," the blond muttered. "We’ll just have to wait and see."  


* * *

  
 _Phony Organization Swindles Money from Civilians by Forming a Fake Cat Show!_  
  
 _EWCO or England Wizarding Charity Organization, a fake group, started a cat show for the Wizarding World of England on the ruse that all the money was going to charity. After investigating, Auror Harry Potter figured out that the money was actually being taken for personal use by Amalia Burns and Kate Walsh, the chairwoman and president of this so-called organization respectively. (Cont'd on Page 3)_  
  
"Wow." Hermione folded the _Prophet_ and laid it next to her on the dinner table. "I _knew_ that there was something fishy going on there, but then I thought I was overreacting."  
  
"Congrats! You were right. It was all a con to steal our money." As he spoke, Draco nodded to himself. "Now, I know never to enter a cat show again. But at least Max knows some tricks now, right?"  
  
"That’s the right attitute," Ron said from across the table, already digging into the salad on his plate. "And, I told you that cat shows were ridiculous things. You should’ve listened to me."  
  
"Just shut up, Ron," both Draco and Hermione snapped in unison as Harry, Ginny, and Blaise just shook their heads in bewilderment.  
  
"I hate that this celebration dinner turned out to become a ‘there was no winner’ get-together. This sucks," Draco moaned. "Max should’ve won."  
  
"Well, we’ll never know how Max would’ve done because I’m never letting you join my cat in a show," Hermione said.  
  
"You’re such a spoil-sport Hermione,” Draco muttered. _Come on, why couldn’t Max have won?_ he thought. _He was really an awesome cat._  
  
"You know what? Wizarding competitions are so unreliable. Next time I’ll join him in a Muggle cat show," Draco declared happily.  
  
After hearing Draco’s words, Hermione slammed her head onto the table and moaned. _Not again!_  
  
 **THE END**


End file.
